Drunk, oversexed...and anti-Semitic

Three recently arrived American Airlines flight attendants went on a rant about Jews in Florida this morning after four hours of sipping bloody Marys. Actually, the one female flight attendant went on a rant and the two men with short-cropped blond hair laughed and repeated, "I know, I know." I would say the two men seemed a little Nazi-like had the previous conversation not been about their recent threesome with a man with a toe fetish: "When you had his big toe in your mouth, his eyes rolled back in his head." Can't wait to fly American again.

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You get a unique perspective on flight crews, especially U.S.-based American Airline flight crews, when you spend five months sharing a hotel with them. A few observations:
1) They drink a lot. It is normal to see pilots drinking a beer breakfast after arriving on the overnight Miami to Santa Cruz flight. Let's hope they don't do the round trip. Last week, the flight attendants and pilots of one crew plopped down in the restaurant and sucked down capirinhas for a solid five hours. The party tailspinned when one raspy-voiced stewardess started complaining about how her pilot insisted on flying in foul weather. "I don't care about his life, but he's flying me as well," said the woman who reminded me of someone you might have seen (or smelled) at a Phillies game at Vet Stadium. Her flippancy was chastised by a co-worker and everyone dispersed. Some of the better drinkers later converged by the pool for another few hours of drinking.
2) They talk about sex a lot. Sex with each other, sex with prostitutes, sex with passengers. And they speak loudly (that's how I am able to report this). This morning a pilot -- not sure which airline he was from -- was talking about how his regular Santa Cruz hooker tried to get him to finish quickly so she could move on. A month or two ago, I overheard two pilots discussing their fondness for "golden showers." One said his wife indulged him. I'm not sure how to read the other's giggles.
3) They take advantage of the down time here in Santa Cruz by getting cheap plastic surgery. Those puffy eyes you see on your flight crew could be the result of spending the previous night drinking and having sex OR could be the work of a Bolivian botox doc. The availability of plastic surgery is another subject they talk about quite openly in the halls of Los Tajibos, probably under the assumption that there aren't many English-speakers around. I was in line at the reception last week and an American Airlines stewardess in uniform begged her colleague to not ask why she was wearing sunglasses inside. She later admitted she had dashed out earlier that morning to have a little ass fat pumped into her crow's feet. Can ya' blame her?

Too good to not post

Through a journalists' listserve, I got a solitication from a Pakastani source-for-hire offering his punditry services to reporters covering the earthquake.
It's "clear as crystal" that his skill with the English language should make him sought after throughout the "orb." (It's worth "gazing" on his personal Web page for more laughs. It reminds me of the way the Ukranian guy wrote letters in the book "Everything is Illuminated").

Here's the pitch:

I shall feel gratified and delighted if the information, being listed
herein in disseminated through splendid helix of knowledge, SAJA
[saja-disc@lists.jrn.columbia.edu] to the eventual benefit of all those
who are interested to engage an bona fide source to get hold of latest
info on the catastrophic Quake in South Asia, explicitly in Pakistan.

QUAKE:Credible Journalist available in Pakistan

For authentic, comprehensive and update scenario on Quake in Pakistan and
Kashmir, please Contact:

Mumtaz Hamid Rao
Ex-Director [Head] News & Current Affairs Pakistan TV
Editor-in-Chief, 'Pakistan Times' [Daily Web Newspaper]
Post: Box # 2008 GPO Islamabad 44000 [Pakistan]
Tel: 0092 51 44 33 110 [Direct]
Cell: 0092 300 512 3000
0092 304 516 7000
Web: www.PakistanTimes.net
E/Mail: Post@MumtazRao.net
mumtazrao@hotmail.com

With fluent style of conversation in English, Mr. Rao is fully capable
even for LIVE Telecast/Broadcast by any Radio or Television network—the
world-over.

Offer of Fee [to be paid for each story/interview] may also please be
indicated, if and when any print or electronic media—from anywhere around
the Orb—gets in touch, any-time round-the-clock with Mr. Rao, a
journalist of global repute with a marvellous perspective, spanning over
35-years.

The level of his skill, talent and knowledge can be gazed by visiting
Rao’s personal website: www.MumtazRao.net where ever feature of his
journalistic experience lays as clear as crystal.

Sincerely Yours,

Mumtaz Hamid Rao

Light posting this week

I will be back online later this week once I wrap up a freelance article. Hang in there.
Meanwhile, enjoy this photo from the most pathetic museum I've seen to this day -- One commemorating the loss of Bolivia's sea access to Chile more than 100 years ago. It was full of maps showing Bolivia's incredible shrinking area.








This is a quote by a Bolivian fighter that translates roughly to "Surrender? Let your grandmother surrender, damnit!"
We all know what happened soon afterwards. And since then, Bolivia has been whining to get its ocean view again. And amazingly, Bolivians still hold out hope that Chile will cave. Imagine if Mexican newspapers almost every day reported on talks between low-level Mexican and American diplomats about the return of California and Texas.
Give it up.